Compassion,Communication and Control Bedrock of Human Relationships by Dr Katta ,2015 November 22nd

We are the product of our upbringing,both good and bad,happy and unhappy experiences,failures and successes,Worries and prospects for future.We are all here with emotional baggage.World is a better place as we are more than our past.As warren Buffett said if our forefathers strictly followed our rules we would have been Hunter gatherers still. Progress in human evolution possible because we are more than our past and current rules.

Love and compassion is the bedrock of human relationships.Compassion for fellow humans including our family is the central virtue for happiness and success. World is full of people with conditional love ‘ I love you only if ‘.Relationships improve only if our develop attitude and commitment of unconditional Love.First step towards that is to accept people for what they are and try not to judge them and their motives.

After we are committed to be Compassionate it is important to communicate openly,honestly and without any preconditions.You need to have Basic Trust that people do the right thing.First step is to ENGAge and then Enrich the relationship and nurture it.The more you give ,more you get in the relationship.

Control issue is overrated. Strange thing is more we try to control,harder it gets.Control exists at different levels like

Physical, Intellectual,Emotional,Economic,Spiritual and Moral levels.It’s human nature to rebel,dislike,ignore and question if they perceive if it is coming from outside rather than coming from inside.We need to encourage people to develop Internal Compass to guide them than saying ‘ Do it as I said,I know the best’ .Thought police and totalitarian approach has never worked in the long run whether it is thru religious or other systems.

Emperor Marcus Aurelius said Think about every issue as whether it is under your control or not.Learn to accept things that are not under your control and learn to let them go.Try to improve things under your control one at a time for you to be a better person.

Strange thing about human nature ,we are objective when judging others but not ourselves.We are born with looking at world from our point of view and find hard to understand there are other ways of looking at things.Self Awareness of limitations and understanding that we are more than our thought and beliefs are first steps towards having better relations with ourselves and people around us.

Strange thing about human nature is we tend to see what we see.How can we teach a fish that there is another world to live other than water world.We are all born with certain limitations which are reinforced by our challenging upbringing.We tend to look at world the way we experienced it in our younger years.

For eg Paranoid people grow up having excessive distrust and suspiciousness. The core feature is detachment (suspiciousness).They falsely believe that they are being victimized by others. They are highly critical of others, yet hypersensitive to criticism of themselves. They bear grudges and are unwilling to forgive the insults that they think they have received. Minor slights arouse major hostility, and the hostile feelings persist for a long time. Their combative and suspicious nature may elicit a hostile response in others, which then serves to confirm their original expectations. They are jealous. These behaviors occur at home, work, and in the community, these behaviors lead to clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

OR eg Avoidant (Anxious) people characterized by extreme shyness, feelings of inadequacy, and sensitivity to rejection. These individuals feel inferior to others. They grow up with excessive social anxiety and withdrawal. They have a longstanding pattern of shyness, feelings of inferiority, and hypersensitivity to rejection/embarrassment. The core features are: (1) negative emotion (anxiousness (fear of rejection/embarrassment)), and (2) detachment(withdrawal, intimacy avoidance, and anhedonia [decreased ability to feel pleasure]).

Obsessive–compulsive people concern with orderliness, perfectionism, excessive attention to details, mental and interpersonal control, and a need for control over one’s environment, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.Workaholism and miserliness .

Mental faculties are like muscles.They get stronger if you use and train them.It is upto us to make our selves better and world a better place.

Please read this beautiful poem which says it all

Dr Katta

 

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